Wednesday, January 19, 2011

When I Grow Up

Most of my life, I've thought I had it all figured out. I always had a dream, a goal, of what I wanted to be "when I grew up". At the time this picture was taken, I was quite confident in telling the world that I was going to be a ballerina, and a cowgirl. Yes, both - many people hold two jobs in this day and age. Okay, make that 3 (or 4?) jobs...I've always wanted to be a wife and a Mommy. As I got a bit older, my goal shifted slightly - still staying in the equine world, I might add - and for years I was *sure* that I was going to be a "horse vet". How many 5 year olds do you know, who have their future planned right down to which school they're going to attend? (University of Guelph, of course). As time went on, my goals shifted yet again. I had come to realize that being a veterinarian was going to take A LOT more work than I had bargained for, and although I was a good student I wasn't sure that my intellegence was up to par. I know it's not ideal to doubt oneself, but I'll just call it honesty. Instead, upon entering highschool I had decided that I would work towards becoming a Veterinary Technician. That was it, I had decided, my classes were chosen, and I worked my skinny little butt off to get towards that goal. I really was a great student, firmly planted on my highschool's Honour Roll, and even considered for Validictorian of my graduating class. Unfortunately, that was not quite good enough. Nope, apparently the only college education I'd be receiving would come from the "School of Hard Knocks". Applications were submitted, admission exams written, letters of recommendation handed over, and campus visits made. At the time, there were only 5 schools in the province who offered the Vet. Tech. program...each recieving approximately 600-700 applications, and each accepting a maximum of 40 students. I knew my chances were slim. Spring approached, and the school was abuzz with seemed that everyone around me was receiving admission acceptance letters, it was so exciting. I waited. And waited. And eventually received a couple of "waiting list" offers, but my admission letter never came. I felt shameful and embarassed when friends would cheerfully ask, "so where are you going next year?", because my answer had to be "nowhere". I was suddenly faced with a big "Oh Shit" moment...what was I going to do? I had it all planned, did everything I was supposed to do, but it didn't work out. And now I didn't know what to do next. Fortunately, I was already employed by veterinary clinic, and they kindly allowed me to begin full-time employment upon graduation. I was trained to do many of the tasks of a technician...minus the paycheque of an educated individual. Which I might add, turns out to not be as high as you might expect. A couple of years later, I came to the conclusion that I was unhappy with my career choice - I adored working with the animals, but the people (owners) were no treat. It also began to bother me that I was able to accept the sad situations so easily, as "just another day". To be completely honest, I am thankful that my "plan" didn't work out. I would have been in debt for thousands upon thousands of dollars for a career that I ended up not enjoying, and would have stressed my relationship with my now-husband beyond belief. Instead, I was able to follow a different path to my "dream job", and stray away again without incident...I was able to follow my other dream of falling head-over-heels in love, getting married and making beautiful babies. These three people are now my whole world, and I wouldn't trade it for a single minute of college education!
...But...Yes, there is a but...
Now what? I'm happy - I am truely happy. Yet I still feel like I need to do something more. I find myself slowly creeping up to the Big 3-0, yet I still don't know what I want to be when I "grow up". Rather...I want to be SO MANY things, that I don't know which way to turn! I have many things that I am passionate about, and would love to make a career of, but honestly don't know how. Currently, I am a Gold Canyon Candle is a fantastic company to work with, I am in love with the products, and can't complain about the extra income! But is it forever? Given my track record...probably not. But I'll still make an honest try, as I really do enjoy it! I am also an on-again-off-again entrepreneur, having created my own business "Babylove By Jackie". My loyal readers will remember this - and after ANOTHER brief break I am back at it! I just can't seem to stay away from this one...that must mean something. I do enjoy to sew, but get overwhelmed when I get too busy - so with a few tweaks to my business plan, I will give it yet another try! What else do I want to do, you may ask? Well...let me tell you! Brace yourself, and pull up a comfy chair - you're gonna be here a while. Some things I would LOVE to do, but for various reasons have been unable...
- Own and operate a small horse boarding facility. Horses have always been my Number One passion, and would love to make a career of this!
- While running my stable, I would love to offer riding lessons to children/beginners, and nervous riders.
- Pony rides! I've always wanted a field full of hairy little ponies, and think it would be fun to do children's birthday parties, etc.
- Own and operate a cozy country Bed&Breakfast
- Own and operate a 1950's themed diner
- Own and operate a Victorian "Tea House", selling baked goods and other treats
- Interior Decorating
- Wedding Planning
- Cake Decorating
- Photography
Unfortunately, 99.9% of these things require a large amount of money to get that I can't generate, without a source of income! So basically, it's a vicious cycle. So I'll keep plugging away, and dabble here and there...and keep doing the job that I know I'm good at - being a Mommy!
Would you consider me to be a "Cowgirl"...? Do you think its too late to take up Ballet...?


  1. great blogg jackie! while reading this, it all seemed too familar. as i too have been going through the what do i want to be when i grow up thoughts in the past couple weeks. but i however did go to college and become thousands upon thousands of dollars in debt for something i now know i dont want to do. which makes it even harder to come up with the cash to eiother take classes for something else, or go to school for something. or buy a better camera to further myself in that (which i really want) but photography is still always going to be a hobby, or a side job, it will NEVER be a full time money maker, which sucks, because even though i know what i want to be, i still dont know what i want to be....

  2. jackie,
    I'm pretty sure you have LOADS of time to accomplish anything you want to! Save the money from your boutique and put it towards a stable fund maybe?? keep it in the bank and try to accumulate interest?

    my "when i grow ups" have changed a lot too. turning 30 this year has got me thinking as well, and i'm pretty sure i'm NOT GROWN UP YET =)

    Love this post, glad to see you "back"!!!

  3. Jackie... were you and I seperated at birth?!?!?

    HAW HAW!

    I too have gone through the "what do i want to be when i grow up" i think we have a couple years on eachother but we are just too alike!

    I think i need to start a blog too!

    when i was little, i used to get up saturday mornings and watch the weather network instead of cartoons! i WAS going to be a meteorologist! i wanted to be a vet, but my love for animals wouldnt allow me to go through the sad stages! I was good at school but my attitude was poor, to much fighting and drama! I got accepted to like, 5 different colleges... each for a different thing! one was i think legal secretary, one was recreational, i dont even remember the others! i wanted to go to college just to make my parents proud. I wasnt satisfied with any of those choices though! And racing! i was an "up and coming" pro snowcross racer (not being conceited :) ) i had worked my "skinny little butt off" for sponsors, years or hard work and dedication... then i met Chuck and my life changed! believe it or not when i met him i told myself it would be a fling, no strings attached, i just got out of a bad relationship ... but we fell in love! had babies and the rest is history! my dream right now, is to re open a store! but like you say, you need the money :( after having My Country Home and closing it up, getting into crafting again, i have developed my style and my niche market, i know EXACTLY what products i want to carry, what the store would like look, etc.
    i remember when i was first getting married my parents said something about not going to college and i said, cant someone just want to be a mother when they grow up? a housewife? thats what i wanted to be! This morning i feel like i have woken up a new woman, i feel an aura of calm all around me, i feel blessed but like you... i feel like there is something more!

    we will keep plugging along!

  4. I freaking love your blog posts Jackie. They are so easy to relate to, and always have my eyes glued onto ever word.
    I have always been the same way, I had a billion things that I wanted to do growing up, from a professional figure skater, to singer, then to more realistic things like hairdresser, or makeup artist. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do and then when I did, I went for it, and you can too!
    Just know that you have a tonne of support no matter what projects you get started in the future. I know when I get pregnant and have babies, I will definitely be one of your customers with the Babylove collection! and I will do whatever I can to support you and your future endeavors! Including some product photography possibly?!
    Don't stop blogging because I love reading it! :)

  5. Jackie! I love your blog! You must keep writing often! Like Amanda, I can totally relate to your story! Keep posting, the gravel road wants to know what the other side of the fence feels like more often!!